You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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