you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
