Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You were trust falling into bushes
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
