is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
