The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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