I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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