I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She bit a glass in half.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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