You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize