just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
