i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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