he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
