The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize