Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
