GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize