Already got asked if we're dating
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
