..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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