I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize