did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
