There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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