Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
