shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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