sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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