Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
