idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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