these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
