Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I puked a lego.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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