Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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