I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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