either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
