I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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