So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
