so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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