if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize