New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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