well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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