I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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