At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize