tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
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