Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
