you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize