Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
