I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
