i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
