she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
