So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
