Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
