Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
