Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
