You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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