Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
