i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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