Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
