Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
