the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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