Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
