just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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