Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Randomize