i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just high enough for therapy.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Randomize
