from now on my penis is your penis
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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