hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
