i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
