mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
