Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She bit a glass in half.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
