my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
