The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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