Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
