I think im going to throw up on grandma
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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