that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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