I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize