I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
