my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Drunk walkin through police station. America
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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