there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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