look no pants
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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